


A Queen's Rebirth

by bookwork40_oya



Series: The Broken "Princess" [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Cliffhangers, Depression, F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Past Child Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Harm, Sexual Abuse, Slow Build, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:02:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24941260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookwork40_oya/pseuds/bookwork40_oya
Summary: After years pass from one source of pain and things begin to improve the past, a past one does not recall, begins to appear again and cause more damage that one thought possible. You grew stronger yourself and with the help of some amazing crows and owls who never turned their back on you. This time around you must do this on your own, but will you be able to save yourself? Will all the love that your favorite volleyball players gave you have gone to waste? They say that people don't only die once, with the princess side of you gone will this be the birth of a queen or simply be the ultimate downfall of foolish girl who thought could handle it all on her own?
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Reader, Bokuto Koutarou/Reader, Kageyama Tobio/Reader, Reader & Various Character
Series: The Broken "Princess" [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1805143
Kudos: 15





	1. Disclaimer.

A disclaimer to all those who will be reading. If you are here from my previous work then you are aware of how the first part was based on real life situations with slight altering to make it all make sense. This time around in this second half, altering will be almost non-existent. I will be mentioning tough subjects, triggering subjects, such as: depression, suicide, self-harm, sexual assault on minors, substance abuse, and so forth. I do not write these things to romanticize or make fun of these subjects. I write these subjects because they are my life. They are things I have gone through, continue to go through or have considered. As I mentioned before, altering of these subjects will almost be non-existent, the only altering will be bringing my personal thoughts to life and making the main character give in to my own temptation. I use writing as a way of therapy. To get the hardest things to talk about off of my chest without the fear of judgement. Please, if you are going through something find someone to talk to. Allow yourself time to heal and become stronger than the you of yesterday. If you struggle with anything do not find yourself weak because you're still here fighting in this world.   
  
Also, I understand that the usage of –kun in the Japanese language is usually not used for females but I chose to do so because of the fact that I wanted to give Bokuto and Akaashi each a different form of referring to the main character so that the reader would know who is speaking without me having to explain it every time. 


	2. Can't Win Them All

**"GO GO LET'S GO!!!"**  
 **"ONE MORE GAME!!!"**  
 **"YOU GOT THIS!!!"**  
  
_Breathe… breathe…_  
  
\-   
  
"So," began the silver-haired boy, "how has everything been with y/n?"   
  
"You will have to be a bit more specific Suga, do you mean with us or with her playing?" asked the raven-haired boy in response.   
  
"Both actually," Suga admitted silently, "It's been what? Almost three years since everything and it's like nothing ever even happened?" He finished while looking at Kageyama with a look that showed genuine curiosity.   
  
"Of all times and places, you choose to ask, this," Kageyama chuckled while gesturing towards the court where you were currently playing on, well technically on a break as your team warmed up, "is where you chose to be best? I will answer all your questions, but not now. Not when all the members will be in ear shot soon."   
  
"I'm sure the owls being here soon also has something to do with it?" snickered the elder of the two, "I don't blame you, guess I shouldn't pry now but you know, I-"   
  
"You worry," interrupted Kageyama, not looking at his former team member but onto the court where you looked up to see not only the former crow setters, but each crow and owl beginning to arrive, "they all did, do, I should say."   
  
\-   
  
"I'm sorry Tobio." you whispered, "I can't blame you for being mad at me, I mean, after two years and then this," you couldn’t help but stay looking down at the floor. You've never done this before but you knew that it would still hurt.   
  
"Y/N, look at me," softly spoke your boyfriend, you slowly looked up to meet his dark blue eyes, "you once told me that the eyes never lie, so what do my eyes tell you now?" He was right, you were always reading people's eyes since, well for as long as you could remember. In this moment his eyes did not show anger, disappointment, nor any sign of regret; just some sadness and pain.   
  
"I know you never want to hurt anyone," he continued before you could answer his question, "but you can't protect everyone all the time. Especially when this is something you need right?" He waited for an answer but only got a small nod from you, "Then don't be sorry. You're not losing me; I promise you that much. Besides, it's the end of our high school years and we will be moving onto university, and you’ll be able to continue playing. I'll be there supporting you every step of the way just like the others will be as well."   
  
This was true. After your first year came to an end, your parents returned home from business in a more than cheerful manner. They sat you down and explained how your father had met a doctor who owned their own clinic in a small town in Europe who he had met during his business trip. Your father continued to explain how he told the doctor about your injuries and how you had to discontinue from playing competitively. The doctor explained how they would be able to help you recover from the injuries and get you back on the court.   
  
Upon hearing this you thought it was just another dream until the day you boarded a plane with your father and flew to the doctor. The entire journey was nerve-wracking, even if Kageyama, Akaashi, Bokuto and every one else was supportive and waiting to play against you. The process required surgery in your hip and ankle, some screws were placed to maintain normal stability and finally a year of physical therapy to strengthen not only where you had surgery but how to not agitate your ribs either. Second year you continued to manage the Karasuno team and never missed a single session with your therapist. When second year came to an end, it was time to see if the surgery was worth the pretty dollar your family spent.   
  
That summer you found yourself playing against a mixture of Nekoma and Fukurodani while you played alongside Karasuno. Not once did you experience the pain you had dealt with since after the incident. You were back doing what you loved most. Without hesitation you signed up to play on Karasuno's girl team and even though it was your final year they accepted you and quickly went from a pinch server to being an opposite hitter. Rumors had begun to spread on how the, "princess," had returned but you never paid them much attention, you had become different since then.   
  
Now here you were, finished with high school and preparing to move back to Tokyo for university and volleyball. Standing in front of one the many individuals who helped you through your lowest points in life. One who helped you feel loved after knowing it all and watched you finally stand up for yourself. The one who tried to be at all your games in between of his. Standing in front of him as you break both his and your hearts.   
  
“Besides,” Kageyama continued breaking you out of your thoughts, “if you say you need time to think about whatever is going on that head of yours that none of us are allowed to know,”   
  
“Wait, how did you kn-” you stopped talking as soon as he began to laugh at your shocked face 

  
“Y/N, we dated for two years. Akaashi-san and Bokuto-san know you better than I do and the rest of the crows and owls continue to monitor you to make sure I didn't hurt you. Now who is going to help me? No one is going to send me my favorite snacks or tell me jokes.” He signed shaking his head causing you to laugh 

  
“I’ll send you snacks and tell you lame jokes,” you sighed before continuing, “You are right though. There has been a lot bothering me as of late and I need to go through all of this alone. There are things that I don't fully understand quite yet and I know that moving away wouldn’t make these things easier on us either.” 

  
“Y/N, if you need to do this alone then I can’t stop you from doing so, but please, even though we may not be together anymore don’t hesitate to call me for anything. I know Akaashi-san and Bokuto-san will be closer and they may be first on your mind, but don’t forget me. I love you and will continue to love you regardless of what happens, okay?” He offered a small but genuine smile and his blue eyes slightly watered like an ocean on a dark, moonlit night. You felt warm tears fall down your cheeks as you embraced him and held him there for a few minutes before going your separate ways.   
  
As you made your way to your new home, a small apartment only a ten-minute walk from your university, you could not help but think about Kageyama truly meant to contact him for anything. 

  
  
_“There are some things that I may never be able to tell anyone,”_ you thought to yourself, _“If those things truly occurred then, how do I recover so many years later? Who will believe me?”_  
  
\-   
  
  
  
“HEY HEY HEY Y/N-KUN!!! WAY TO GO AT SHOWING THEM WHAT OUR GIRL IS ALL ABOUT!!” Bokuto yelled from the seats as you and your team thanked everyone who came to watch you play. 

  
“Are you just going to yell or meet me in the lobby Kou-chan?” you said in return, “If you just plan on yelling then I suppose Aki will beat you to me seeing how he’s already heading there,” you said as everyone turned to see Konoha Akinori heading towards the door before looking down at you with a face that said, ‘why did you rat me out,’ making you laugh before you began walking away 

  
It wasn’t unusual to have all your crows and owls in the same room since you started playing again but it always surprised you to see two former teams always come together just for you. They continued to be very supportive through all you went through with them. _“if only they knew what was eating you up inside now,”_ you thought as you exited the court 

  
“Bold of you to assume that Konoha would beat me,” that voice pulled you out of your thoughts, “Well, beat us.” 

  
You looked up to see two pairs of blue eyes staring at you, Akaashi Keiji with his gun-metal blue and Kageyama Tobio with his deep blue eyes. 

  
“Hey! You only beat me because you literally told me I was going the wrong way Akaashi,” argued Konoha as the rest of the boys followed soon after 

  
“Oi Akaashi, can’t believe you left without me. Y/N-kun can I get my hug now?” asked Bokuto making you laugh as you walked towards him before being pulled away 

  
“Sorry Bokuto-san, first come first serve,” said Akaashi as he embraced you before letting you go and Kageyama pulling you into his arms 

  
“Akaashi-san is right, we were here first,” agreed Kageyama with a small shrug 

  
“Then that means I’m next,” retorted Konoha causing Bokuto to groan in annoyance and causing everyone else to laugh, “Badass playing Y/N, I would have hated being on the other team.”

  
“Would have been more badass if we won, but can’t win them all right?” you answered with a small sigh 

  
“You still did great Y/N-kun,” you were told as you were tightly embraced, “Besides, you still haven’t beat me so what did you expect?” 

  
“Kou-chan, I've gotten plenty of spikes past you, blocking you is the problem,” you said as you rolled your eyes making everyone laugh once more at your bickering with the owl as you continued to greet and hug everyone else. 

  
“Well, how about we go eat to celebrate Y/N-chan’s hard work?” said Akaashi as everyone agreed and continued with their conversations with and without you being a part of it. You made your way to a place to eat as you enjoyed one of the final moments everyone would be together due to the season being over for now. As you approached the restaurant you stayed behind watching your former teams walk in, all joyous, carefree, happy. 

  
_“Yeah, I can’t tell them. Everyone is so happy, why bring things up? They wouldn’t understand either way...”_ you thought as you stared at everyone go inside before taking a deep breath and following them in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am very rusty at writing so apologies for the poor quality. Believe me when I say that it is harder this time getting everything to sound the way I want it so please bare with me. Also, I know this is very short but believe me they will only grow longer. The start is always the hardest and I promise the second chapter will include where Suga and Kageyama left off.


	3. Dreams

“So since when did Y/N-kun start calling Konoha “Aki,” or whatever the name was,” suddenly asked Bokuto glaring at his former teammate who just shrugged 

“Since today, I knew calling him that would get under your skin Kou-chan,” you said with a small laugh 

“No take backs though,” responded Konoha without skipping a beat he continued, “Unless, you rather not since...” he didn't finish that sentence since you once called your ex, Mori Akihiko, the same nickname once, many years ago. It seemed like everyone quickly caught on as the air grew thick waiting for you, for anyone, to say something. 

“You already said it, no take backs, besides,” you said meeting his gaze, “You’re not him. You’ll give the name a whole new chance at life. Okay Aki?” you finished with a smile as he smiled in return and the tension faded in the room. 

“Before anyone else tries to get Y/N-chan to give them a nickname or before Bokuto-san gets any more upset,” spoke up Akaashi, “I’d like to have a toast for not only Y/N, but for all of those who have helped her these past couple of years. Especially towards Kageyama-kun and Sugawara-san for never hesitating to reach out to us for anything. Y/N-chan, we’re very proud of you.” 

“Now if I can follow up,” started Bokuto, “Y/N-kun, Akaashi said it already but we are very proud of you. Kageyama, thank you for having kept her happy and for showing her what relationship should, I know i shouldn’t mention that but, be it with you or someone else, Y/N-kun I hope you now know what your worth is,” he reached for his glass, “Cheers to Y/N-kun and all of us who love her.” 

You looked around at your combined family, all laughing, smiling, enjoying this moment. You stood up grabbing your glass of soda and cleared your throat, waiting for all eyes to be on you. 

“I just want to quickly thank everyone for always coming out to my games. I know for my crows the journey is usually a longer one but thank you for never missing a single game, as for my owls thank you for always reminding me to never forget anything. I know that now that the season is over, I will not be seeing you all as much but please let’s get together every now and then because these are truly my favorite moments. So, cheers to my favorite birds, I love you,” was all you said before going back sit down and feeling a small squeeze on your shoulder from the male seated next to you. 

_______________________ 

“Thank you for coming again,” Y/N said as she hugged some of the crows good-bye, “Text me when you all get home, be safe.” 

“Same to you,” Daichi said with a smile, “Thank you for inviting out to eat tonight.” 

“Of course, hopefully we can all get together again soon,” answered Akaashi, “Y/N-chan, Bokuto-san and I will be waiting with the others while you finish saying by to everyone else, have a good night everyone.” 

“They’re walking you home we assume?” asked Suga before looking at Y/N 

“Yeah, I just moved into my new apartment and they’ve been helping me set up and everything at night,” she responded, “it has been taking longer than I would have wanted to since I want to invite everyone over once it is all set.” 

“We will be looking forward to it once you’re ready,” replied the silver-haired boy, “I should get going though, thank you again. Kageyama, when you’re ready I'll be on the phone. Goodnight Y/N.” he finished before giving Y/N a hug before walking away to make a call. 

“So, Tobio,” she started while twirling her fingers before looking up at the blue-eyed boy, “what was it you wanted to tell me?” 

“Oh, uh, right,” Kageyama cleared his throat hoping it would rid his nerves, “I just wanted to ask how you have been this past year. I thought I would be able to ask you over dinner but we got carried away talking about volleyball instead.” 

“Is that why you chose to sit next to me and make Kou-chan sit next to Kei-chan? You know he’s not going to let that happen again right?” she responded with a small laugh, “but to answer your question, I've been okay. Things are changing very fast for me right now, both good and bad but I'm trying to stay focused on the good, plus having everyone around me helps too. Don’t worry Tobio, I'm okay.” 

“Okay, that makes me happy. Sorry that I haven't been able to talk with you as much lately, school and volleyball truly does take more time,” he explained before feeling his hand being gently squeezed 

“Tobio, please don’t be sorry. I’m okay and if I’m not, I have all of you to go to. Now, focus on your games and studies and don’t be hesitant in asking a cute girl for her number or to go for a cup of coffee,” she said with a bright smile before letting go of the setter’s hand, “I should get going, my owls are waiting and Suga is waiting for you too. Goodnight Tobio.” 

Kageyama watched Y/N make her way to where her owls were waiting before turning around to walk towards Suga. He couldn’t shake the feeling that she was lying because she would not maintain the same level of eye contact as usual but he chose to not pry on it. He knew that she needed her space at the time and that’s what he would give her. 

“Well at least I know there isn't any bad blood between the two of you,” Suga said once Kageyama was within hearing distance, “especially seeing how you gave her a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder.” 

“I didn’t know what to do at that moment,” he replied now embarrassed by his action during dinner 

“So, is she okay?” he asked with a genuine worry 

“She says she is, and for now I have to believe her. It's how I told you, she said she needed time for herself. She never told me much after we broke up except that this was something she had to alone and did not want to drag people in if she could avoid it. I never asked Akaashi or Bokuto either, whether they know more or not,” he sighed as he finished 

“Some things we can't help people with, don’t be hard on yourself,” the older boy reassured, “How has she been doing with her games though? I know you spent plenty of time talking about that.” 

“She said that her pain has gone down but if she even begins to feel a burn that she will make sure she subs out and remains out until she knows she can go on. She missed playing and doesn’t really care much about winning or losing as long as she can stay on the court without hurting.” 

“Good, I’m glad. Whenever I talk with her it always turns into a conversation about our studies and new places to go eat so I never have time to ask her more serious things. Now, onto another question,” 

“Which is?” Kageyama asked with a sudden worry it would be something worrisome 

“Any cute girls on campus who have caught your eye?” Suga asked a sly smile forming before shaking in laughter upon seeing the younger boy's embarrassment causing him to turn red, “Come on Kageyama, don’t be embarrassed!” 

__________________________________________________ 

“FINALLY!!!” Bokuto shouted 

“Quiet Kou-chan! I have neighbors you know,” you silently shouted, “but I agree, finally we finished. Thank you for helping me these past few weeks getting everything the way I wanted.” 

“There’s only the small boxes left but we got the bigger things out of the way. Now I know there should be no reason for the others to be upset that only Bokuto-san and I have been over this much,” stated Akaashi as he yawned while taking a seat on the couch 

“What are in those boxes Y/N-kun?” 

“Pictures and little decorations that I had set up in my room back home plus others I never had room for,” you answered before looking at your guests, “Say, how about we take a picture now?” 

“Right now, Y/N-chan?” 

“Yes, right now. I want my first photo in the new apartment with the same people who started giving me a new life,” you said as you grabbed your camera, “Now, Kou-chan come sit down with us. Ready, one, two and three.” 

You spent the following hours talking and making plans for house warming party. In the moments where Akaashi and Bokuto would speak amongst themselves you would reach for your necklace and hope your heart stopped racing. You didn’t know when, but the anxiety had returned and with full force this time. When it had become late your owls gathered their items and said goodbye, leaving you alone for the night. You showered, massaged your legs and arms to prevent soreness in the morning and laid in your bed; hoping the night would be peaceful and restful. 

_You felt weight make you bed dip, you could hear their breathing near you._

**_Shh, pretend you’re asleep, they’ll leave when they realize you’re here._ **

_You felt a hand on your hip, rub up and down. Their weight grew closer but you did not move. Now you felt their chest against your back. Hand never leaving your body as it kept moving._

You awoke as you always did, never allowing it to go any further. You sat up in your bed to calm your heart, knowing you weren’t anywhere else but your home. You reached for your phone to see it was only 02:04 in the morning. Getting out of bed to put on your slippers, making your way to the kitchen for something to drink; still feeling the presence of someone touching you. 

“What happened to me?” you silently asked yourself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've read my previous story then you know that I always want to hear your opinion. I am slowly readjusting to writing again, especially material this personal to me. I promise that the next chapters will be of better quality when we begin to unravel the main points. Also, if there are any specific characters you wish to again then let me know! xx


	5. Realization

The rest of the night was peaceful for the most part, you continued to toss and turn but did not have any other dreams, nightmares, occur. You chose to not contact anyone upon waking up since even you didn't know what you had dreamed,  _ unless you plan on keeping secrets again,  _ you thought to yourself. You brushed the thought away as you placed your cereal bowl back into the sink.

**~ding!~**

You picked your phone to see you had a new message from Konoha.

**08:13** \-  _ Oi! Some of the guys are getting together to play a little game against some of the old cats if you wish to join us. _

**_~ding!~_ **

**08:13** \-  _ I know the season is over for you and you should be resting but Kuroo will be asking why you didn't show up to lose. _

**_~ding!~_ **

**08:14** \-  _ Not that you’ll lose. _

You rolled your eyes knowing that Konoha was only going to keep texting to get you fired up to play with them. As you were typing your response he had sent you three more texts.

**08:14** \-  _ Konoha let me read and think before blowing up my phone haha. I just need time to get ready before heading out to the gym. _

**_~ding!~_ **

**08:14** \-  _ Aki. _

**08:14** \-  _ No take backs remember. _

**08:14** \-  _ I will only respond to Aki. _

**08:15** \-  _ Unless something is wrong and you call me anything else. _

**08:15** \-  _ Okay.  _

**08:15** \-  _ I’ll respond to anything. _

“Oh my god,” you said while seeing all the messages come in 

**08:15** \-  _ AKI!!! Relax. Or else I will stop calling you that. I’ll be ready in about ten minutes and then let you know when I'm on my way over. _

You heard your phone ding once more knowing it was him responding. Leaving your phone in the kitchen you went to your room to gather clothes to wear for the gym and went to wash your face. You developed a habit of always seeing the scars on your legs, both self-made and others caused by another. It was different knowing that everyone knew the truth behind them now but never said anything. You finished getting ready when you heard a knock on your door, you gathered your phone, knee-pads and water before going to the door where the knocking continued.

**_~knock knock knoCk KNOCK!!!~_ **

“Y/N!!” the voice said as you opened the door “Oh.. hi.”

__ “Konoha Akinori. I swear that Kou-chan is going to be on your head.” you told the man as his sheepish smile vanished and returned quicker than light itself

“Come on Y/N, Bokuto has yet to do anything after all these years. Besides, I wanted to surprise you with this,” he said as he handed you a pastry, your favorite pastry at that, “but don’t tell Bokuto. He may not get on my head but he does make it harder on me.”

“Bribing me with food always works. Fine, I won't say anything but mainly because Kuroo will also be there and I know how they both get these days. But, something is bothering me,”

“And what could that be?” he responded as you locked your door

“You’re not just here early without telling me and bringing me food in order to shoot your shot are you?” 

“I would never do something this easy to shoot my shot,I’d rather much charm you with a fancy dinner or something” he responded with a small laugh, “I know I and many others said that we would be first in line if Kageyama and you ever split but unless we truly think you have feelings towards us, we won’t be making a move. Unless, this is you way of co-”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself Aki,” you shook your head while laughing as he dramatically clutched his chest, “Besides, I am in no rush to be with someone right now.”

“I can respect that but to answer your question, I’m doing these things because I want to with no other intention. Aside from making sure you know that Bokuto and Akaashi aren't the only ones who love you. Like i told you Y/N,” he stopped walking, as you did, to face each other, “after Bokuto and Akaashi I love you most.”

“I know, I know,” you responded 

“Y/N, I’ve been meaning to ask you though,” his tone of voice changed, softer somehow, “has everything been okay? Do you need anything?’

“Adjusting to living alone will take some time and there’s been these weird dreams but i promise I'm okay, thank you, but please don't worry,” you reassured him as best as possible, “Now let’s get going before Kou-chan starts calling to see where I am since he knows I’m with you now.”

“Wait, how does-”

“I texted him and Kei-chan that I was heading over with you while you were going on about charming me.”

“I told you not to tell them, now Bokuto is going to make this fun game a living hell for my arms,” 

“No he won’t,” you reassured him while grabbing his hand, “Come on let’s gooo!!! I want to play already.”

* * *

“Left! Left!" You shouted as did your approach

"Y/N-chan!!" Yelled your setter as they sent the ball perfectly in your direction. You saw your wall going up to block you but they had one major flaw

"You left the middle open cats!!" You exclaimed as you hit the ball through the middle and scoring the last point for your team

"Lev I told you to close in! This girl will use anything to her advantage," explained an exhausted Kuroo

"Amazing game Y/N!"

"Great saves Yaku and as always Kei-chan thank you for the great sets," you said as Akaashi walked towards you, "Hey Kou-chan, maybe next time you'll win against me,"

"Y/N-kun not funny!!" He whined as he grabbed his water, "Not my fault that Kuroo and Lev here couldn't block you."

"You can't blame me for Y/N getting one touches on all your hits Bokuto," returned Kuroo before looking at you, "Y/N, I've been meaning to talk to you."

"Oya?” He simply nodded in return before turning around to walk outside, you didn’t know what else to do but simply follow him. You and Kuroo never really talked much outside of hanging out with Bokuto and Akaashi or the few times that Nekoma and Karasuno would get together. Once outside you noticed him sitting on a patch of grass underneath a tree and made your way to him.

“I know this is probably very random but I had to ask,” he started once you were within ear shot, “Bokuto told me everything, like everything. I just don’t know why he would, I mean, did you tell him?” He met your gaze as you took a seat next to him, waiting.

“I did tell Kou-chan to tell you, and only you so please don’t say anything to the others. I’m sure he mentioned how only the crows and owls know of it all right?” he nodded, never looking away from you, “That’s because obviously Kou-chan and Kei-chan went through most of it with me after the fact. They helped me heal during my time with Fukurodani but the others never knew a thing. When I joined Karasuno, I never planned on telling them but had no choice in the end, they too helped me heal. The newer members of both teams never knew because they didn’t need to know. Of course, that being said probably makes you wonder even more as to why you got told right?”

“Yeah,” he responded, still not looking away from you. You met his gaze and only saw concern in them, a slight hint of sadness too.

“Well, that’s because whether you realize it or not, you were there too. Kou-chan would tell me too how you would message him afterwards asking if I needed anything or just make sure I was okay and that nothing was said or done to offend me. The fact that someone who didn’t know me, especially didn’t talk much to me did those things meant a lot. I would see you walk away or gather the others around when I was off to say the least just to make sure no one else was around to see. At first I thought it was because you had confessed to me,” you laughed softly as you looked back at him to see he now looked down, embarrassed.

“I didn’t do those things because I confessed, let me just clarify that, I did it because I saw how much Bokuto and Akaashi cared for you and felt that the least I could do was that. Now that I know everything, I wish I did more but looking at you now,” in that moment he looked at you and just lifted his hands up in defeat, “you’re more badass than I ever thought Y/N. I’m sorry that you had to go through that, if I would’ve known th-”

“Kuroo,” you reached out to touch his shoulder, “I survived, it’s okay. All I can do now is move past it as best as possible.”

“When Bokuto told me, my first thought was why you never went to a professional afterwards? I’m sure there’s a lot of trauma from it, but then I realized it wasn’t my place to think that.”

“Honestly, I never considered it but mayb-”

“OI!! Are you trying to make a move on Y/N-kun again?” shouted Bokuto with Akaashi walking behind him

“Shut it you big-horned owl! She already rejected me once, I can’t go through that again.” 

“Bokuto-san don’t be ridiculous,” responded the other as he got closer, “Here, you need to drink more water after playing that intensely,” he told you as he handed you a water bottle 

“Kou-chan at this point I feel like you’re going to scare every person away before they get a chance to develop feelings towards me,” you said with a laugh

You remained there for a few minutes more before you all decided to pack up and go home. Akaashi, Bokuto and Konoha all walked with you home and you spent the time talking about everything and nothing all at once. Somewhere along the way you grew silent but no one said anything, leaving you with your thoughts. 

You kept replaying Kuroo mentioning you seeing someone professionally. The idea truly never came to mind but seeing how the boys could only do so much and now you were dealing with odd dreams, maybe it could help. You continued to think it over while occasionally speaking with the others. Once at your home you said good-bye to the two boys who were rushing to go eat.

“Something on your mind? You hardly ever deny free food.” Spoke the one who stayed back for a bit longer

“Kei-chan, I might go to a therapist..” you whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got writer's block and could not write for the life of me and the little I could I would rewrite over and over again. From this point on things will begin to become darker and I will be putting warnings of what is mentioned so that if they are triggers you will be aware.


	7. New

“A therapist?” he asked and your only response was to look down at the ground with a nod, he sighed, “Let me tell Bokuto-san and Konoha-san that I won’t be joining them.”

“Wait, why? You’re hungry too and I don’t wa-”

“It’s okay Y/N, I didn’t tell them I was staying here, let’s just talk okay? As for my hunger, I can make something to hold me over,” he reassured you with a small smile before waiting for you to open your door.

“Kei-chan do you therapy would be a good idea?” he hummed in response as he walked into the kitchen gathering snacks before sitting down on the couch with you

“Well, before I answer you, what makes you think you should go to therapy?”

“I went through a lot, more than the normal junior high student and high school student. I grew up with a functional family and had you and Kou-chan, along with the entire Fukurodani team and then met Karasuno who helped me too. It’s just that..” you stopped talking and sighed

“Let me guess,” Akaashi said in a calm manner, “it’s just that you are still trying to understand everything that happened without wanting to depend on us all the time?”

“Yes,” you whispered, “There’s also stuff that I don’t know what it means and I just want to know that I’m not crazy.”

“You’re not crazy and I won’t ask what that other stuff is. I think therapy might help you if you let it help you. We’ll support it and if you don’t want anyone else to know then, my lips are sealed, okay?” he gave you a reassuring smile and you smiled back while giving him a nod

“I don’t think I mind people knowing that I am seeking outside help, I think what scares me is what may come out of seeking help. Like what if they open my third eye or whatever and now I remember I had a whole other family and you’re nothing but a spy? Then what??”

“You and Bokuto-san really need to stop watching movies together because then your mind does this,” 

“Actually, I will have you know that I watched that movie with Aki and not Kou-chan,” you stuck your tongue out at him, closing your eyes, “Hey! What was that for?”

“Stick your tongue out at me and I’ll put a pillow in your face, unless you rather I flick your forehead like how I do to Bokuto-san,” he asked as you shook your head in response, “I would never do that to you but don’t think that just because you’re cute it means I’ll always let it slide.”

  
  


You spent the next few hours ordering in food and talking about everything and nothing all at once. Occasionally you would respond to a text message coming in from Kageyama or Hinata and Akaashi would ask how they were. You continued to think about the dreams that were occurring and wondered if asking your parents would give answers. As the night grew closer Akaashi helped clean as you showered, once done he reminded you to ice your legs before leaving. 

You checked online for local therapists to set up the quickest appointment possible while you listened to Akaashi and iced your legs. You were able to find a therapist not too far of a walk from your home and were able to schedule an appointment online, after completing their eternity of a questionnaire, for the upcoming Monday. Just as you finished scheduling the appointment your phone rang.

“Hello?” you answered

“I hope I didn’t wake you,”

“Tobio it is only ten at night, I’m a night owl, you know this,” you chuckled at his nervous tone

“Right, how was the match? Did you beat Bokuto-san?” he asked and you could hear the smile in his voice already knowing the answer

“Of course I did, his cats didn’t help him this time either. How are you doing? I know we were texting earlier but i never asked,”

“I’m doing good actually, just finished practicing my serves and now just walking home. There was something I was going to tell you though..” he sounded a bit nervous but you couldn’t be too sure

“Oya? What’s her name?” all you heard was him spitting out his water and coughing resulting in you laughing

“I- well, uh, Haru..”you couldn’t help but smile and waited for him to continue, “We have math class together and she asked if we could study together and then we went for coffee, this isn’t weird to talk about right?”

“Of course not Tobio, I’m really happy to hear this. You see, I told you coffee would be a good idea. Now you make sure to treat her right and she treats your right if this progresses or else we will have problems,” 

“You’re starting to sound like Bokuto-san and well, everyone.” he laughed, “How are you?”

“Me?”  _ Aside from deciding to see a therapist and the recurring dreams happening _ , you thought, “I’m good, just tired and possibly going to be sore in the morning.”

“I should let you rest then, I’ll talk to you later Y/N. Goodnight,” he spoke softly just as he always had

“Goodnight Tobio,” and with that the call ended.

_________

**04:37AM**

You woke gasping for breath and tears rushing down your face. You didn’t know what time it was and did not care for it either, you just jumped out of your bed and went straight to the bathroom. You turned the shower one as hot as it could go and just sat on the shower floor. You scrubbed and scrubbed your skin as you continued to cry until nothing but heaving was occurring. You don’t know how long you stayed in there scrubbing but your skin was red as can but you felt clean. Your nightmare made you feel disgusting and you had to rid yourself of that feeling. This nightmare was new.

“Please… I can’t do this anymore.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it has been a while since I updated but when you are writing about your own life and trauma, things can be very tough to relive. I am trying to write as much as possible but at my own pace to keep healthy and sane.


End file.
